… to not resolve a single damn thing, except for the stuff that I’m resolving already.
Besides, I already belong to (and go to, even) a gym, I’m nice to my neighbors, I eat green vegetables, drink V8, and I write (almost) every day.
My children won’t be better behaved next year, the bathroom sink will not be shinier, I won’t clear out the clutter littering the basement, and I’m sure there will be even more dust bunnies under my couch.
However, 2008 will be the best year ever. I believe!
Here’s a handy tip for parents who are sick to death of Disney’s High School Musical:
Do not, under any circumstances, purchase for your children a game in which the entire purpose is for the players to repeatedly sing, at high volume, all of the songs from High School Musicals I and II and every dang-blasted, happy, happy Disney Channel movie and/or TV show ever made.
Also, do NOT purchase a microphone.
What terrible, insensitive, unthinking person bought this game for my darling children? Why… it was me, of course!
The gingerbread stylings of Hannah, Abby and Sam
Christmas Eve letter to Santa, as scribed by Abby
Kids on Christmas morning, awaiting their official release from the hallway. Please note the absence of daylight.
I really do have a Christmas Eve blog post in my head, but I’m too busy wrapping-cooking-baking-gifting-searching-for-Scotch-tape-last-minute-shopping-yelling-at-kids-to-clean-up-their-rooms-or-Santa-might-not-show-up to do anything about transporting it from my head to here.
I might catch a minute later, but it depends entirely on whether or not I run out of wrapping paper or batteries or vanilla extract and need to go out to the store again. If it does all get done without the need for any further last-minute errands, I have promised to give myself the gift of sitting down for a minute or ten.
I know. Funny. Ha!
Merry Christmas, everyone. Here’s hoping you’re warm and happy and with the people you love.
This just in from the Math section of Sam’s most recent progress report, as issued on official Special Education Department stationery (I find myself reading the following paragraph over and over, because it makes me giggle, which probably would get me some odd looks from the middle school principal and some of Sam’s teachers, but I can live with that):
Progress Report Information: Sam knows what to do with the data, and which data is useful, but he generally wants to immediately solve the problem, and does not list the data unless prompted. Sam requires cueing and support in order to explain his steps in any format. At times, Sam’s answer to a request for an explanation is, “Because that is the right answer.” It is difficult for Sam to explain his reasoning, although his reasoning is usually accurate.
So… he can’t explain why, but he’s efficient and confident and right? I think I’m okay with that.
Gratuitous Bragging Addendum, Just ‘Cuz I’m Proud and Will Never, Ever Skip An Opportunity to Gush: May as well reflect back on a few gems from the past.
UPDATE: It occurs to me that no Sam retrospective is complete without his poetic stylings.
Abby: Mom, it’s funny how you look so different all the time. During the day, you look like you’re a 26 year-old, but in the morning, you look 42. And at night, you just have messy hair and you look really tired.
Posted in Conversations, Family, Humor, Kids, Life, Parenting, Quotes, Random Ramblings
For the many of you who are already dealing with absurd amounts of snow in the driveway, even though it isn’t even winter yet, please click here for a friendly safety reminder.*
*Unless you are prone to passing out. (Please consider this your “ewww” warning.)
Note: I’m not kidding.
Note on the note: No, really.
Note on the note’s note: Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Posted in Blogging, Current Events, Holiday, Humor, Life, News, Random Ramblings
Hannah’s Christmas List, as presented to me on two Post-Its.
Let’s review.
1) Amacin-girl doll or dolls
American Girl doll. 100 bucks a pop. Keep dreamin’, kid.
2) micer fones
Microphones. Hannah and her sister have taken to writing, producing and performing various episodes of “The Abby and Hannah Show.” Think Donny and Marie on helium. The microphones, of course, will provide better sound quality. I’ll have to see how much they cost, but I do like to support their creative spirit.
3) A drum set
Um. No.
4) A Sled
The classic Christmas request. She has forgotten that we already have three. I suspect I could put a bow on one of the inflatable sleds in the basement and call it a gift, and she won’t know the difference. Done.
5) MP3 player
Do they make these in Santa’s workshop?
6 and 7) Webkinz body spray and Webkinz trading cards
I have to hand it to the Webkinz people for their marketing genius. Webkinz started as a line of little stuffed animals with a website home, and now they have an entire product line that’s constantly sold out everywhere.
8) Wii
Har!
9) A blanket from Nonnie
I love this one. “Nonnie” is my mom, and she has made maybe twelve blankets for Hannah so far. Some were made with Hannah’s input on color choices (purple mixed with hot pink mixed with bright orange. Which actually, is very similar to the blanket my mom lovingly made for me when I was four or five.) All of them are beloved and well-used. Hannah certainly doesn’t need any more than she already has, nor does my mom have the time to churn one out every year, but I love that Hannah has it on her “most-wanted” list.
10) Winter close
Um, Hannah has so many winter clothes that I can’t close her drawers. Of course, this isn’t about what she needs. This is about fashionista couture.
11) Snow spray
I wasn’t sure what this was, so Hannah described it to me as “That stuff you put on windows to make it look like they’re all snowy.” There are currently ten inches of snow in my yard, with up to eight more expected over the next two days. We don’t really need the illusion of more, plus I know that if a spray can of “snow” enters my house, it will end up on the rug, on the cats and all over the bathroom, so… *buzzer!*
12) Yarn
Aw, I love it when she’s crafty. Yarn it is.
13) Cha cha cha chida
It’s amazing that after all these years, Chia Pets still have what must be the largest TV advertising budget in history. If I can find one, she’ll get one.
14) Alarm colck
I’m not sure why she wants to subject herself to one of these awful Time-Keepers from Hell before it’s absolutely necessary, but I suspect it has something to with whatever is on the Disney Channel at 6:00 AM on Sunday.
Some of you who read here regularly may remember that my son, Sam, has excellent luck. Unbelievable, really. He wins things.
I have never, in any of my 42 years, won anything. Not that I’m bitter.
IMPORTANT BACKGROUND ITEM #1: Last year, while begrudgingly attending a performance of his sister’s play, Sam won seventy bucks in a raffle, during intermission. Then when he entered another raffle, a mere two days after the first, amidst concerned, maternal warnings that most buyers of raffle tickets do not actually win anything, especially not twice, he won the coveted half-hour massage gift certificate.
I worried about the lesson in all this. Gambling = getting stuff. Argh. Then again, it’s hard to argue with a two-for-two winner.
IMPORTANT BACKGROUND ITEM #2: Sam also enjoys lying convincing me of things. For example, when I say, “Sam, I need you to come over here so we can get your homework going!” he likes to point to a spot just behind me and say something exclamatory, such as, “MOM!! LOOK!! FLYING MONKEYS!!” When I look, he runs away. If he wants, say, a cell phone to call his own, he says that he won one and tells me where to pick it up.
So when he tells me things that seem to be a tad, shall we say, unlikely? I’m a little skeptical.
Yesterday, he came home from school and flopped himself on the couch.
Me: How was school, bud?
Sam: Oh, fine, I guess.
Me: Did anything interesting happen at Chess Club?
Sam: Oh. Well, no, but during lunch I won a bike.
Me (laughing, as I playfully punch him in the arm): Har! That’s funny, Sam.
Sam (with smirky, I-really-hope-she-buys-this smile): No, really. And Chess Club was good, too. I won my match.
Then, we went on to discuss the cold, rainy weather, what I was making for dinner (spaghetti), and the fact that it was quiet since the girls weren’t home yet. Sam got up to go get a snack, and I went looking for his backpack, to see what we had in store for homework.
Yeah, right. He won a bike. Har! How funny.
Then, I opened his binder and found a note penned in big, red, teacher handwriting. The note said, “WOW! SAM WON A BIKE!”
Um. Whut?
Unbeknownst to me, Sam’s school participates in a program in which kids earn points for making healthy lunch choices. Choose healthy items over junkier ones; earn tickets. Prize drawings are held throughout the year, for CD’s and books and pencils. Yesterday, they held the Big Grand Prize Drawing during lunch.
And now he’s the proud owner of the biggest, baddest, sweetest set of red wheels I’ve ever seen.
The Boy rejoices.
While I was growing up, an angel always topped our Christmas tree. I continued that tradition in my own house.
She has quite a history, this winged, fancy lady who leaves the attic only once every year, and to me, has earned her spot of honor. Our original angel suffered a violent death when our Very Tall Tree fell over a few years ago. Her head and hands were ceramic, so her landing wasn’t pretty. My mom very kindly sent a beautiful new celestial tree chick as a Christmas gift after I told her that we had temporarily replaced the shattered ornament with one of Abby’s finger puppets. I kind of loved that one, actually, but the reborn/replaced “official” angel was nice too.
Shortly after that, Sam asked why we didn’t have a star for the top of the tree. He told me that all of the trees in the TV Christmas Specials had stars, and he wanted one too. I explained that yes, lots of people use stars, but we have an angel because… well, because we like it that way. He was persistent, and he and I ended up making a cardboard star covered with aluminum foil, and we added it to the tree.
He liked it, but still coveted a “real” star.
So last year, I went out and found one, much to his delight.
And then began the controversy. While Sam prefers a nice, sparkly star, his sisters still prefer a ladylike, well-dressed angel hanging out on high.
ACTUAL CONVERSATION FROM THIS MORNING, WHICH TOOK PLACE AS I STRUNG THE LIGHTS
Sam: Stars bring joy to the tree. Angels just sit there.
Abby (hands on hips): Angels help you not get damned to Hell.
Hannah: Mom, do we have any more candy canes?
The angel and the star are currently cohabitating at the top of the tree. I may need to assign 24-hour angel bodyguard duty to a few of the other ornaments, as Sam has an “I’m plotting a kidnapping” look in his eye.
We’ll see how it goes.
