UP TO THE MINUTE UPDATE TO YESTERDAY’S NEWS

Thanks to those of you who understood yesterday’s excitement over my momentarily clean house. Here’s an update:

The beds are made. No, but I did make pancakes.

The floors are vacuumed. There are Goldfish crumbs and/or old, brown leaves in every room.

The dust is dusted. Okay good, the dust is still dusted.

The markers and marbles and train tracks and doll clothes and applesauce cups are picked up. Crap everywhere.

And the laundry is done. Nope, the dirty clothes are piled high in my closet (I’ll never figure out how they generate laundry so fast) and my basement is littered with wet snowsuits.

Ah, well. I enjoyed the fleeting moment.

BREAKING NEWS ALERT!

… and also possibly a sign of the apocalypse, a blue moon, and ohmygod, Hell is so freaking cold right now…

…

…

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My house. Is clean.

The beds are made. The floors are vacuumed. The dust is dusted. The markers and marbles and train tracks and doll clothes and applesauce cups are picked up. And the laundry is done.

This will not happen again, likely ever.

So I thought I’d better share.

Unintentionally Existential Question of the Day, Thanks to Hannah, Who Has Been Obsessed with Puke Since She Had the Flu Two Weeks Ago

“Mom, if I threw up in the woods, would you have to clean it up?”

Discuss.

My Conversation with the McDonald’s Drive-Thru Person

Me (ordering for Sam): I’d like a plain double hamburger with ketchup only, please.

Drive-Thru Guy: I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t make double hamburgers. Do you want to order something else instead?

Me (after a long pause, trying hard not to sound dumbfounded and sarcastic): Could I please have a plain double cheeseburger with ketchup only, hold the cheese?

Drive-Thru Guy: Oh. Okay, we can do that, I guess. Anything else?

Me: No, thanks, that’ll do it.

I’m Going to Mars!

No, really!

Abby’s class is going on a very cool field trip soon, and I found out today that I get to go along as a chaperone. This is, of course, a very serious responsibility, in that 1) Abby and her classmates will instruct me as to my space program duties, and 2) I’ll behave in such a way that scars Abby for life embarrasses her deeply makes my daughter proud.

Truth is, I heard about this 5th grade field trip way back when Sam was in kindergarten, and I hoped I’d have the opportunity to get in on it with one of the kids. The Challenger Center isn’t open to the public — only to school groups. Last year, Sam’s class went without me (cue the violins, please) but today, Mr. O’C pulled my name from the class hat.

I wonder if they’ll serve refreshments?

Item #783 from Hannah’s Big Book of Stuff To Do with the Plastic Curlers that Came with the American Girl Doll that Your Aunt Got You for Christmas

Why, have your mother put them in your own hair and make what would otherwise be a regular old school day extra festive, of course.

And since we’re talking hair…

For those days when you’re feeling extra sassy, a Hannah Montana wig can come in handy, especially when gathered into pigtails and paired with pink and burgundy soccer socks worn with your big sister’s Converse All-Stars.

Winter Fun

Hannah (after 30 minutes of unproductive kneeling on the bathroom floor while hugging the toilet): Mom, my knees hurt. I kind of want to stand up, but if I do, I know I’ll puke.

Me: Hannah, if your knees hurt, then stand up.

Hannah (moaning, but not moving): I have very mixed feelings right now.

Hannah Unplugged

From Hannah’s Goofus and Gallant files (even though I was more of a Hidden Pictures kind of kid, myself:)

And it’s not even TV Turnoff Week!

Those three little kids on the couch on the left… anyone care to guess who’s who?