The Promised 4th Grade Blond Boyfriend Post Has Been Cancelled

brokenheart11.jpg…because said boyfriend broke up with Abby yesterday.

For the third time, actually.

I like this kid. He is sweet, polite, funny and easy to have around. But he made Abby cry, so I’m mad at him. I admire his shameless dating tactics, though.

Fourth Grade Blond Boyfriend got a ticket to Shrek the Third, Skittles, and some movie nachos out of the deal before moving on to Abby’s best friend, his third girlfriend in a month.* Abby was sad yesterday, arriving home from school with red-streaked cheeks and a serious case of the blahs, but was back to her usual hyper-chatty self in time to watch the big American Idol finale (Blake?? Blake is still there??) and spoke very positively about her desire to move to a new town and get a fresh start.

*For those keeping score at home: 4th Grade Blond Boyfriend (4GBB) first came into the picture while he was “dating” Abby’s Preschool Best Friend — Girl #1 (APBF-1.) He broke up with her, while waiting for the school bus, to be Abby’s boyfriend. Went back to APBF-1 while in the bus line, the very next day, after APBF-1’s rousing school hallway rendition of ♬ HEY! HEY! YOU! YOU! I DON’T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND! ♪♫ Then, 4GBB decided, the following day, that he and Abby belonged together. This lasted a solid week and a half before he broke up with Abby again to “date” Abby’s Current Best Friend, or Girl #3 (ACBF-3.) Then he went back to Abby. Then we went to see Shrek. Then — that is, now — it’s ACBF-3’s turn again.


This issue is beyond my realm of experience, as I don’t recall having anything resembling a “boyfriend” until I was in college. (This fact shocks my children. Their reaction: “Things are different now, Mom.”)

Reader Survey: Did you “date” in fourth grade? If so, what did that mean, exactly? Was it merely an understanding and a claim on the classmate of your dreams, or was there actual kissing involved? How long did it last? (The relationship, not the kissing.) Skittles, or M&M’s? Did your mom sit next to you in the movie theater, reach across your Significant 4th Grade Other and help herself to your nachos?


12 responses to “The Promised 4th Grade Blond Boyfriend Post Has Been Cancelled

  1. I still thought boys had cooties in 4th grade. So did most of my friends. I didn’t have anything that resembled a boyfriend until 9th grade.

    My daughter is in 2nd grade so now I’m just scared!!!

  2. i had no boyfriends in fourth grade either, (fourth grade?!?) but my fourth grade daughter is presently madly in love with a fifth grader.

  3. You know the answers to these questions. I was ahead of my time.

    Don’t tell me where this kid lives. He may get a surprise visit from Uncle Doug, who may or may not be sporting a power sander and/or power saw at the time….just to give him a good scare. Nobody messes with my nieces and lives to tell.

  4. I did not date in 4th grade. I haven’t even dated in college b/c nobody has ever asked me out. Ich bin pathetic.

    In fourth grade the boys mostly spent their time terrorizing me. And mostly physically, since the dumb hicks (we lived in Kentucky that year) who made fun of me were too imbecilic to compete with my quick-witted comebacks. I got kicked (hard) in the butt at the water fountain, knocked down because I refused to surrender a sticker I’d found on the floor, knocked down another time b/c some jerk who was making fun of me couldn’t come up with a good retort to follow mine, and had my thumb jammed when someone threw a ball at me really hard in gym class. It was a bad year. But at least I was spared the heartache of being dumped. :-)

    Moral: Don’t send your children to Roundstone Elementary School if you love them even a little bit. *shudder*

  5. Jeff Meyerson

    and spoke very positively about her desire to move to a new town and get a fresh start.


    Note to Abby: he’s not worth it, sweetie.

    Survey answer: no. First girlfriend was the summer I was 13 (going into 9th grade).

  6. bumble – i’m sure you’ve heard this before, but it only takes one…

    not sure what to call 4gbb’s behavior…’cyclic serial monogamy?’

    and i practically had a ph.d. before i started dating!

  7. I practically had a ph.d. too – but yes, I was in 4th grade.

  8. Of course , knbtc! *snork*

    I remember having a crush on a boy in the 4th grade, but I don’t recall ever actually talking to him. :)

  9. *snork* @ insom and knbtc

    El~ I waited till fifth grade to have a crush on a guy, but it lasted through freshman year of high school. I took German instead of French b/c he did.

    I’m very glad I did now, but for other reasons. My spring break would’ve been very different this year. :-)

  10. Um….yes. I had a boyfriend in fourth grade.

    In third grade I let the boys chase me. I shrieked as I ran away from them across the playground, but I thoroughly enjoyed the chase.

    In fourth grade….I let them catch me. Or, to be exact, I let ONE catch me. Robby Cougar.

    He was in fifth grade, which I felt was a MAJOR coup on my part. He caught me, stole a kiss, and from then on he was my “boyfriend.” He even said he loved me.

    Until, of course, he realized that all the other kids were laughing at him because his “girlfriend” was taller than he. He couldn’t dump my ass fast enough after that!

    (Pssst….! Abby! Things haven’t changed THAT much!)

  11. First of all, let me say that this was a better read than a soap opera! Second of all, I am so glad that my daughter is only 7. Though she is “betrothed” to my best friend’s not quite 6 yr old!!!

    Well, Bobby G was my “boyfriend” from K to 3rd grade. That meant we were “googly eyed” (as my 7 yr old dd would say). In 4th, 5th, and 6th grades we were either “seeing someone” (casual) or “going out with someone” (going steady). By 7th grade, all my friends were kissing their boyfriends. I, however, refrained. I was too scared I would do something wrong! My first kiss was in 9th grade after a semi-formal dance. And to add to my horror, my mom and her friend were sitting in a parked car talking and I didn’t see them see me. My mom’s rule was that we couldn’t one-on-one “date” until we were 16. I couldn’t even get into anyone else’s car until then. And, frankly, by my teenage years, I was glad for my mom’s rule. When I was 14, some real losers asked me out, and I had no backbone to say no. I then fell back on the “no dating” rule!

  12. Oh, and forgot to say earlier – let ’em have it Uncle Doug!

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