I have an industrial sized bottle of Pantene Pro-V Shampoo in my shower stall because, 1) I have been using it forever, 2) it was on sale, and 3) there is no three.
On the bottle, just under the brand name, it says “Get up to 85% shinier hair!”
So every time I wash my hair, I wonder.
Compared to what, exactly? 85% shinier than it was before I washed it? 85% shinier than any other brand could possibly ever make it? 85% shinier than if I shampooed with Comet?
Is there a scale of measurement pertaining to hair shininess? Other things are measured in pounds or amperes or kelvins — maybe I missed something? I mean, Google tells me that candelas measure luminosity, but I thought this applied to light, not exactly — light as it reflects off of hair. I personally have never encountered a set of locks with enough stunning brilliance to make me squint and wish for my sunglasses.
Who exactly came up with that final measurement, declaring this supposed potential 85% improvement? Were there studies? Were they statistically significant? Were human volunteers involved? Is anyone else suspicious of that nice round number, 85?
What became of the low-shine people? Are they okay? Did Pantene provide them with high quality, natural-looking wigs to wear once the testing was complete and their hair had been damaged?
And what’s with this “up to” crap? What if I happen to think my hair is 86% shinier? Huh?
I appreciate factual claims that allow me to make some sense of all the products on the drugstore’s shelves, but this one just seems a few bristles short of a brush, if ya know what I mean.
And yet, I must say. My hair looks fabulous.
UPDATE: My Pantene Pro-V Conditioner bottle says: “Get up to 99% more curl definition,” and then in very tiny type it says, “in one day.”
The questions. They torture me.