So Much for Subtlety

Most visits to my parents include some time with Uncle Doug, seen on this very blog, frequenting the comments section.

Abby and Hannah got to sleep over at Uncle Doug’s house one night, while Sam had a “Boys Night” with his cousins at Uncle Mike’s house, which featured sleeping bags, Cheezits, and untold rude noises.

Abby and Hannah’s sleepover included wacky latenight movies and evidently, no food (I assumed popcorn and had that detail written in the first draft of this post, but when Uncle Doug complained about my yellow journalism, I deleted it.)

Uncle Doug reports that he and the girls lined up on the floor, lying down on their backs to watch the movie. Neither kid wanted to be closest to the stairs leading down to the front door, for fear of “strangers, monsters or marauders of some sort.” Uncle Doug tried to resolve the controversy by bravely offering to take the Danger Position, which resulted in a new controversy, since both Abby and Hannah wanted to be next to him. He finally convinced Hannah to be brave, and he took the spot between the girls, putting an arm around each niece. He then suffered greatly from the dreaded Bilateral Numb Arm Syndrome, which evidently kicks in after 75 minutes of movie watching. Uncle Doug also reports that Abby passes impressive gas, which “smells like dead squirrels.” Because of this, he isn’t sure that he wants to repeat the sleepover again, ever. (I haven’t mentioned this olfactory detail in the past, but I’ll just say that really, he’s not exaggerating.)

The next morning, Uncle Doug very kindly swung by Uncle Mike’s house to pick me up, along with Sam, so that we could all go to breakfast at our favorite deli before he started his workday.

When I left our picnic table to fetch more coffee, I returned to find the girls accosting Uncle Doug, intensely quizzing him on when (Uncle Doug, WHEN??) he is going to get married. They wanna be flower girls, dammit, and they need to pull together a timetable for dress shopping and rose petal-tossing training and whatnot.


UPDATE: Abby notes that she no longer wishes to be a flower girl. Apparently Junior Bridesmaids are cooler.


2 responses to “So Much for Subtlety

  1. Where, exactly, were they supposed to have learned subtlety from?

  2. I kinda feel sorry for Uncle Doug but I’m sure he will pay them back in time…lol

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