Hannah’s Guide to Sick Days

1) Wake up snuffly and stuffy. Exhibit just enough genuine misery to convince your mother that you really do need to take the day off.

2) Repeatedly declare your love for those extra-soft, lotion-infused tissues, even while steadfastly refusing to blow your nose, since “it will make the cold worse.”

3) Miraculously recover by 10 AM. However, continue to run a low grade fever so that your mom doesn’t drag you off to school for the rest of the day, which would be totally humiliating.

4) Ask if you can go shoe shopping, since you feel much better now.

5) When #4 fails, learn all the words and dance steps to “All for One,” from Disney’s High School Musical 2, then… shake it!

6) Take a break from the dance-a-thon long enough to inform your mom that you won’t be talking for “quite a while.” Write notes to express your needs, thoughts and questions. When asked why you have decided to stop talking, explain that you “just don’t feel like it.”

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7) When offered lunch, request (in writing) a trip to Dunkin’ Donuts.

8) Settle for a homemade turkey sandwich and a glass of milk.

9) Once you decide to start talking again, ask to call Uncle Doug, since he will feel sorry for you and he’ll make you feel better.

10) Take full advantage of the Sick Day TV Rule Exemption and watch back-to-back-to-back episodes of Hannah Montana.

Special Note: No later than 4 PM, begin to show signs of a Serious Relapse, just in case mom might maybe possibly give you another day off tomorrow.

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7 responses to “Hannah’s Guide to Sick Days

  1. got any tips for us old farts? whenever i get sick (which hasn’t happened in years) it makes my wife mad.

    Hm… probably the not talking one. That might go over well. -KDF

  2. I asked her if she thought she might need an extra sick day tomorrow. She coughed, wheezed, and stated her case emphatically for “yes.”

    She did? Dang. She’s starting early. Also, she’s wearing her sister’s shoes and dancing again. -KDF

  3. Yes, she also went cruising for sickness candy. “Uncle Doug, remember that time I was sick a few years ago and you sent me that big box of candy? Well…Sam and Abby ate most of it.” I could practically hear the sound of her eyelashes being batted in my general direction over the phone.

    The girl has a very advanced ability to work it. Which really, really scares me. -KDF

  4. *snork*

    That is a sharp bunch of kids you’ve reared, KDF. Wonder where they get it? Hmmm… ;-)

    Uncle D~ That coyness-to-get-candy routine seems to be something all children can do instinctively. I used to work at a greenhouse, and we kept big plastic containers of tootsie roll pops at the registers for kids (and adults if they wanted them; the owner of the business was often to be seen with a sucker stick poking out of his mouth). Most kids were too shy to come right out and ask for one or say they wanted one, so they’d try to hint at it and beat around the bush until I took pity on them. Once a little girl came around to my side of the counter, stared at the container for a minute, went back to the other side and then cocked her head to one side and asked me, “Do you have suckers here?”

  5. I like the “no talking” thing. That’s the only bit I never tried.

  6. I think we should all do this in some way no matter what age

  7. Pingback: Sick Kid Update « Why Would I Sleep?

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