Sam: Hey Abby, do you have a 1:1 aide?
Me (to Abby, mouthing words through gritted teeth, with eyebrows raised): Abby! Just. Say. “No.”
Abby (laughing): No.
Me: Sam, what do 1:1 aides do?
Sam: They’re for very special certain people.
Me: Why do you have a 1:1 aide?
Sam: Because she loves me. I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to her.