I was just minding my own business, running my usual errands. I rushed through my neighborhood Target in search of paper towels, shampoo and hair clips for the girls, AA batteries for Sam, salty snacks, and a string of Christmas tree lights. And then, in the Holiday section, I saw this ornament and stopped dead in my tracks:
I think my jaw actually dropped. I laughed out loud. People looked at me funny.
Yes, that is an apostrophe.
This kind of crap keeps me up at night.
To make matters worse, the copy on the packaging boasts this little beauty:
10% of this purchase price goes to
Support our teachers and classrooms.
That’s right, the capital letter was right there, taunting me, in the middle of the fricking sentence. It was at the beginning of a second line of text, so some poor sap who dares call him or herself a proofreader felt it was appropriate for some sad reason, but ALL OF THIS, a punctuation and a capitalization error, ON A CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT MEANT TO HONOR TEACHERS???
I want so much to believe that it’s somehow not wrong. I have tried to make it right, in my sadly obsessive brain. I mean, the sparkly yellow thing is a ruler, so their little play on words sort of works, with the apostrophe, if you believe that the “rule” belongs to the teacher.
Except that if they meant that, it would say farking “ruler,” wouldn’t it?? I can almost stretch my imagination to buy the whole “some people call it a ‘rule'” thing, but no, dammit, we call it a ruler. And really, the whole point of the thing is that teachers are great, that “Teachers,” in fact, “Rule,” so WHY oh WHY, for the love of teacher gifts and holiday cheer everywhere, is there an apostrophe!?
I’m hoping, in a sick sort of way, that this is some brilliant, evil person’s twisted attempt to cruelly toy with English teachers and language sticklers everywhere. It horrifies, while simultaneously sending our addled brains in endless and desperate circles of hope, which try to make it, for the love of education and teachers and ugly rulers everywhere, somehow, possibly, correct. Because then it would be cruel and awful, but it would be RIGHT. Maybe.
Except… it’s not. It’s wrong. It’s all so very wrong.
*weeps for the children*